https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZS25oLh9Pso6BSJDbixlx9zfauN56PLSsXZsVrqFgfM/edit?hl=en#
We definitely need to send another email so we can have all of them together and proofread them as one.
Your paragraph's concrete detail and commentary were very good. I changed things like the conclusion sentence a tad so that they would reflect the thesis more, and added a transition to the topic sentence. I also replaced a few words, like "lie", with synonyms, so there isn't too much repetition between all of the paragraphs. In my opinion, your paragraph will flow nicely into the next one, and fit in well with the rest of the essay.
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ReplyDeleteYour paragraph's concrete detail and commentary were very good. I changed things like the conclusion sentence a tad so that they would reflect the thesis more, and added a transition to the topic sentence. I also replaced a few words, like "lie", with synonyms, so there isn't too much repetition between all of the paragraphs. In my opinion, your paragraph will flow nicely into the next one, and fit in well with the rest of the essay.
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